If I had to pinpoint exactly where Alex's wandering spirit kicked in it was right around the time he and Emily stopped whatever it was they were engaged in.
I put it that way because they were just a couple of immature kids who didn't rally know how to emote their affection for one another.
I guess, now that I think about it, he never really got over it. So, and it's just my theory, he took to his motorcycle and just, well, rode on and did his thing. He coped.
No one really questioned it since everyone pretty much knew Alex had a free spirit edge to him. But I knew another side of him. And if anyone would have nurtured it, it was Emily.
Alas, it was not meant to be. Whatever that means.
How exactly did it end? Rather innocuously as far as I can remember. He accompanied her to her school prom and she his. Right after, and I mean literally the next day, communication stopped.
Just like that. He couldn't - and still can't - remember anything about those days soon after. Unless she told a friend and this friend steps forward with some revelations he never will know.
I still remember the look on his face when he saw her pull up in a car headed to the ATM machine...with her boyfriend.
The only other time Alex's face changed color was at his surprise 16th birthday me and the guys gave him. I invited Emily even though I think at the time they weren't an item. If memory serves me right he was upset with her because she just wasn't sending him any sign. I apologized for taking an executive order but rather than be upset he thanked me.
Within minutes they were slow dancing.
Running back to my car, I made light of Emily's boyfriend, even poking fun of him. Alex laughed. So all was well looked like. He was moving, you know, on.
Alas, I didn't know how much pain he really was in because he never expressed it. I took it at face value because Alex didn't generally keep things away from me. Goes to show how we all carry a secret or two inside. Sometimes, we just can't find a way or even the energy to talk about it.
Clearly, now I can see, he just played along.
Alex went on to live hard while Emily pretty much settled down immediately with her boyfriend. While Alex let his 20s blow past him as he explored, she started her family.
And that was that.
Many girls came into both our lives. Too numerous really. Alex, despite the contradiction of him not being too much of an outgoing person, did alright. Had he let himself loose more, he could have done way more damage. But that's when I began to see he really wasn't really into that scene.
Alex liked to keep to himself and focus on one person at a time. It's the intimate, private travails of relationships that suited him best. Even though he could wild it up with the best of us.
I don't think Alex regrets his life experiences. Nor should he. Had he stayed with Emily he wouldn't have met Marissa, Caroline, and Cathy. All girls he cherished in their own way. I think the lack of exploration would have left his restless (not to mention his ADD) soul screaming into his subconscious mind.
He wouldn't have taken his bike to much of the continent or visited Europe perhaps. His sensuous nights in Miami with a Venezuelan or an Italian in Cuba would have been figments of his imagination. Same with the utterly cute girl from Calgary. Lina I believe it was? Yeah, Lina. She really got to him.
But as luck would have it, geography was in the way. When he expressed he would move for her, she didn't want that for him and just...let him go despite her love for him.
And that was that. Again.
What could he do but soldier on? Unsatisfied minds and souls have to.
A lot of girls were hard up for Alex. Why not? As you can see, he's a good looking guy. Responsible. Loyal. Well-read. Funny as hell and a knack for entrepreneurship.
He's just hard to really get to know. He won't let anyone inside that inner-circle of his. I'm one of the lucky ones. Pure happenstance given I've known him since we were five years-old.
Truth is, I love being with the guy. I like to think he feels the same way.
Today, it's not about me and him though. I kick myself for not really understanding just how deep the Emily scar was - is.
We sat at the back of the Church silently. I have no idea what was going through his mind. When the family led the coffin out her sister look straight at an aloof, if not detached, Alex. A look of gentle shock overcame her.
After the place emptied, Alex decked out in his leather jacket and jeans like a slick - albeit clean-cut greaser from a time past, walked to the front of the Church where a picture of Emily remained. He stood motionless for a few seconds and began walking back in deep thought. He put his arm around me and we walked out as I held back tears. Emily was a sweet girl. A mother.
A couple of days after the funeral, I bumped into the sister at a store. Hadn't seen her in 25 years or so and here I was in the middle of the aisle face to face with her. After brief chit-chat, she asked me if that was really Alex at Church. I confirmed that it was. That's when I found out a fascinating twist to this tale.
Don't I discover that Emily always loved Alex. Everyone knew but it wasn't discussed. It just...was.
Crazy.
She then asked me to follow her to her car. She opened the trunk and pulled out a box with all sorts of trinkets including a gold key chain. Story goes, it was Emily's gift to Alex on his 14th birthday only she never gave it to him out of shyness.
You see, Alex was an enormously popular and cool guy in school. By contrast, Emily was a quiet, intelligent and studious girl who stood out of the spotlight. It was a case of opposites attracting I guess. So she didn't think it was 'cool enough for Alex' and kept it.
She handed it to me to give to Alex. As she drove away, I looked into the window of the car and could see her crying but for a brief second cracked a smile as if being taken back to that day.
The easy part for me was to hand him the key chain. The harder problem I wrestled with was whether I should tell him Emily did love him all along. Does he really need to know?
After a brief personal deliberation, I decided it was only fair to Alex I tell him.
We met at the bar that night and over a pint I handed him the key chain. He grabbed it and read it. Happy Birthday, Alex. Love Emily. 1986.
He turned white and looked up at me in total confusion and disbelief. I told him about the story and he just sank back in his chair staring at the chain.
I observed his behavior to make sure he could handle the second part of the equation. I chatted him up a bit to manage his emotions. Then, as carefully as I could, I relayed the news of her love for him.
A serene smile overcame him. It provided him with some closure.
I think he kind of knew all along.
There really isn't much left to say in this story about Alex and Emily. There was no happily ever after for them.
Yet. In some ethereal way, when I ponder it, perhaps there was.
For E.F.
**********
I put it that way because they were just a couple of immature kids who didn't rally know how to emote their affection for one another.
I guess, now that I think about it, he never really got over it. So, and it's just my theory, he took to his motorcycle and just, well, rode on and did his thing. He coped.
No one really questioned it since everyone pretty much knew Alex had a free spirit edge to him. But I knew another side of him. And if anyone would have nurtured it, it was Emily.
Alas, it was not meant to be. Whatever that means.
How exactly did it end? Rather innocuously as far as I can remember. He accompanied her to her school prom and she his. Right after, and I mean literally the next day, communication stopped.
Just like that. He couldn't - and still can't - remember anything about those days soon after. Unless she told a friend and this friend steps forward with some revelations he never will know.
I still remember the look on his face when he saw her pull up in a car headed to the ATM machine...with her boyfriend.
The only other time Alex's face changed color was at his surprise 16th birthday me and the guys gave him. I invited Emily even though I think at the time they weren't an item. If memory serves me right he was upset with her because she just wasn't sending him any sign. I apologized for taking an executive order but rather than be upset he thanked me.
Within minutes they were slow dancing.
Running back to my car, I made light of Emily's boyfriend, even poking fun of him. Alex laughed. So all was well looked like. He was moving, you know, on.
Alas, I didn't know how much pain he really was in because he never expressed it. I took it at face value because Alex didn't generally keep things away from me. Goes to show how we all carry a secret or two inside. Sometimes, we just can't find a way or even the energy to talk about it.
Clearly, now I can see, he just played along.
Alex went on to live hard while Emily pretty much settled down immediately with her boyfriend. While Alex let his 20s blow past him as he explored, she started her family.
And that was that.
Many girls came into both our lives. Too numerous really. Alex, despite the contradiction of him not being too much of an outgoing person, did alright. Had he let himself loose more, he could have done way more damage. But that's when I began to see he really wasn't really into that scene.
Alex liked to keep to himself and focus on one person at a time. It's the intimate, private travails of relationships that suited him best. Even though he could wild it up with the best of us.
I don't think Alex regrets his life experiences. Nor should he. Had he stayed with Emily he wouldn't have met Marissa, Caroline, and Cathy. All girls he cherished in their own way. I think the lack of exploration would have left his restless (not to mention his ADD) soul screaming into his subconscious mind.
He wouldn't have taken his bike to much of the continent or visited Europe perhaps. His sensuous nights in Miami with a Venezuelan or an Italian in Cuba would have been figments of his imagination. Same with the utterly cute girl from Calgary. Lina I believe it was? Yeah, Lina. She really got to him.
But as luck would have it, geography was in the way. When he expressed he would move for her, she didn't want that for him and just...let him go despite her love for him.
And that was that. Again.
What could he do but soldier on? Unsatisfied minds and souls have to.
A lot of girls were hard up for Alex. Why not? As you can see, he's a good looking guy. Responsible. Loyal. Well-read. Funny as hell and a knack for entrepreneurship.
He's just hard to really get to know. He won't let anyone inside that inner-circle of his. I'm one of the lucky ones. Pure happenstance given I've known him since we were five years-old.
Truth is, I love being with the guy. I like to think he feels the same way.
Today, it's not about me and him though. I kick myself for not really understanding just how deep the Emily scar was - is.
We sat at the back of the Church silently. I have no idea what was going through his mind. When the family led the coffin out her sister look straight at an aloof, if not detached, Alex. A look of gentle shock overcame her.
After the place emptied, Alex decked out in his leather jacket and jeans like a slick - albeit clean-cut greaser from a time past, walked to the front of the Church where a picture of Emily remained. He stood motionless for a few seconds and began walking back in deep thought. He put his arm around me and we walked out as I held back tears. Emily was a sweet girl. A mother.
A couple of days after the funeral, I bumped into the sister at a store. Hadn't seen her in 25 years or so and here I was in the middle of the aisle face to face with her. After brief chit-chat, she asked me if that was really Alex at Church. I confirmed that it was. That's when I found out a fascinating twist to this tale.
Don't I discover that Emily always loved Alex. Everyone knew but it wasn't discussed. It just...was.
Crazy.
She then asked me to follow her to her car. She opened the trunk and pulled out a box with all sorts of trinkets including a gold key chain. Story goes, it was Emily's gift to Alex on his 14th birthday only she never gave it to him out of shyness.
You see, Alex was an enormously popular and cool guy in school. By contrast, Emily was a quiet, intelligent and studious girl who stood out of the spotlight. It was a case of opposites attracting I guess. So she didn't think it was 'cool enough for Alex' and kept it.
She handed it to me to give to Alex. As she drove away, I looked into the window of the car and could see her crying but for a brief second cracked a smile as if being taken back to that day.
The easy part for me was to hand him the key chain. The harder problem I wrestled with was whether I should tell him Emily did love him all along. Does he really need to know?
After a brief personal deliberation, I decided it was only fair to Alex I tell him.
We met at the bar that night and over a pint I handed him the key chain. He grabbed it and read it. Happy Birthday, Alex. Love Emily. 1986.
He turned white and looked up at me in total confusion and disbelief. I told him about the story and he just sank back in his chair staring at the chain.
I observed his behavior to make sure he could handle the second part of the equation. I chatted him up a bit to manage his emotions. Then, as carefully as I could, I relayed the news of her love for him.
A serene smile overcame him. It provided him with some closure.
I think he kind of knew all along.
There really isn't much left to say in this story about Alex and Emily. There was no happily ever after for them.
Yet. In some ethereal way, when I ponder it, perhaps there was.
For E.F.
**********
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