I came across a picture of her in the papers today. Memories of a time long gone; never to return came back like a flood furiously unleashing itself into my mind. A long-distant relationship that was, as it turns out, never to be.
A single picture came with it the realization after our week-end together in Toronto we never saw each other again despite professing our love for one another.
I still remember it. I asked earlier while driving off on the day we were to go our separate ways - her to western Canada and me back east - whether what we were experiencing was love.
She, in her typical conservative and defensive style, just gave me a lovely demurred smile. I didn't know what to make of it. After stopping for gas and jumping back into the car she gave her answer. 'I think I do love you. I love you.'
One would think this was to be the beginning of a wonderful relationship. Yet, after I got home I never heard from her again. She would not respond to my letters or my phone calls. It's almost as if she put it in her head that it wasn't going to work out because of the distance and that cutting me off cold was the best way to deal with it. I declared I would move out west for her and this probably simply scared her for some reason. I felt in my heart this is why she did it.
Ours was truly a special bond. I think they call this 'soul mates' but I have no idea if this was it. But it sure felt as though it was.
We first met in Montreal. I was heading to dinner with a couple of buddies and she was in town with her friends. My friend, never one to let a heard of gals pass him by, simply struck up a conversation with them. While he did this she and I stood in the background silent observing one another. I was smitten in a most docile manner. Who was this girl roping me in with an invisible lasso?
We agreed to all meet after dinner at a club. We spent the night clubbing and eventually hit up an after hours cafe that kept us in conversation until 5am.
Later that day we spent the afternoon together and all we could do is just exchange glances. It was clear something was stirring inside of us.
I visited her a few times at the school she was staying and our bond grew.
The exact dates and how it all unfolded is a little foggy given this was over 20 years ago, but eventually she had to leave to go back home. It was at the airport I realized just how intense whatever it was we were forming was.
The part I remember most is our embrace against a pillar in the middle of the airport. I still remember the old man observing it all. I was so enraptured with simply holding her he felt it too.
For minutes on end we just held each other and smiled. No kiss. Nothing. Just an embrace that lasted to infinity...
We held on as long as we could and then our first kiss naturally came.
It was a beautiful moment even for a non-emotional guy like me.
We stayed in communication after that and made arrangements to meet in Toronto. There, we hung out, watched a movie, had dinner and even made love.
The next day we went shopping until the afternoon making our way to that moment declaring our love at the gas station.
That was that.
Until the picture.
Suddenly, I wondered if she knew just how much of an impact she had on me. How it was unfortunate things ended the way they did. Maybe I just want to have the chance to say it.
She's probably married with children now. Probably happy too.
I wouldn't want it any other way.
Still. I can but wonder....
Huh. It's funny. That cafe has long since closed. How's that for a curtain closing?
For L.C.
******
She always did remind me of Judy Garland:
A single picture came with it the realization after our week-end together in Toronto we never saw each other again despite professing our love for one another.
I still remember it. I asked earlier while driving off on the day we were to go our separate ways - her to western Canada and me back east - whether what we were experiencing was love.
She, in her typical conservative and defensive style, just gave me a lovely demurred smile. I didn't know what to make of it. After stopping for gas and jumping back into the car she gave her answer. 'I think I do love you. I love you.'
One would think this was to be the beginning of a wonderful relationship. Yet, after I got home I never heard from her again. She would not respond to my letters or my phone calls. It's almost as if she put it in her head that it wasn't going to work out because of the distance and that cutting me off cold was the best way to deal with it. I declared I would move out west for her and this probably simply scared her for some reason. I felt in my heart this is why she did it.
Ours was truly a special bond. I think they call this 'soul mates' but I have no idea if this was it. But it sure felt as though it was.
We first met in Montreal. I was heading to dinner with a couple of buddies and she was in town with her friends. My friend, never one to let a heard of gals pass him by, simply struck up a conversation with them. While he did this she and I stood in the background silent observing one another. I was smitten in a most docile manner. Who was this girl roping me in with an invisible lasso?
We agreed to all meet after dinner at a club. We spent the night clubbing and eventually hit up an after hours cafe that kept us in conversation until 5am.
Later that day we spent the afternoon together and all we could do is just exchange glances. It was clear something was stirring inside of us.
I visited her a few times at the school she was staying and our bond grew.
The exact dates and how it all unfolded is a little foggy given this was over 20 years ago, but eventually she had to leave to go back home. It was at the airport I realized just how intense whatever it was we were forming was.
The part I remember most is our embrace against a pillar in the middle of the airport. I still remember the old man observing it all. I was so enraptured with simply holding her he felt it too.
For minutes on end we just held each other and smiled. No kiss. Nothing. Just an embrace that lasted to infinity...
We held on as long as we could and then our first kiss naturally came.
It was a beautiful moment even for a non-emotional guy like me.
We stayed in communication after that and made arrangements to meet in Toronto. There, we hung out, watched a movie, had dinner and even made love.
The next day we went shopping until the afternoon making our way to that moment declaring our love at the gas station.
That was that.
Until the picture.
Suddenly, I wondered if she knew just how much of an impact she had on me. How it was unfortunate things ended the way they did. Maybe I just want to have the chance to say it.
She's probably married with children now. Probably happy too.
I wouldn't want it any other way.
Still. I can but wonder....
Huh. It's funny. That cafe has long since closed. How's that for a curtain closing?
For L.C.
******
She always did remind me of Judy Garland:
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